So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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