ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
