Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
