Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
