idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
