Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
