I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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