My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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