Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
