its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
