I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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