does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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