I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
