you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
