She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
