just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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