Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
