I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
