Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
