I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
