I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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