He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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