Cold hands, warm shart.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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