we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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