i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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