Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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