I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
