I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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