just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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