so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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