I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
