Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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