well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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