I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
