Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
