Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
