if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
