Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
