took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
