the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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