wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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