I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
