Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
