My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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