I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
