made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it because I queefed?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
