he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Everyone says I win the strip club
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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