her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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