I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
