Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
