i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
