Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
