and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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